Monday, December 14, 2009
I really can't say I hate Twilight and Twilight: Nude Moon, but that's only because I keep falling asleep every time I see it, be it at home or in the theater. What I will review however is the crowds at the theater. Never ever ever sit on the end of a row lest you enjoy your slumber punctuated by the stampeding hooves of women as they herd themselves through the aisles in pairs of twos in search of a restroom to void their bladders the size of an Altoids can. Never ever ever ever get there on time or early for the films in theaters unless you desperately wish to stand in line and hear every Jonas Brothers song filtered through the woefully underpowered cell phone speakers forming a cacophony of tin flavored sonance akin to what hell must sound like. And finally never ever x 1,000,000 interject with polar ideology or criticism of the Twilight series at a premier of Twilight, it's much like screaming "HAN SHOT SECOND!" at a Star Wars Convention.